THE GIFT OF UNCERTAINTY
Anyone else here a “control enthusiast”? I use that turn of phrase because somehow, it sounds better than “control freak”. Self-deprecating humor? From snarky ‘lil me? Maaaaybe.
But seriously, now. Due to my traumas – Brad’s accident, my husband and my accident, and so on – any change to the status quo is viewed as a threat to my flight-or-fight mind. I’m a recovering perfectionist too. Back in college, if I wasn’t able to have done the homework the night before, I would skip class the day it was due, to avoid the teacher’s disappointment. If I didn’t nail it or ace it, it wasn’t worth trying. And me showing weakness by admitting that I could improve on things? Well, that was a non-starter. Between you and me, I gave up on a professional music career because I didn’t realize that they don’t expect you to be perfect on day 1 in college – they expect you to learn, and grow.
And growth and change are vital to a fulfilling life. If you can’t grow, you wither on the vine and never reach your potential. If you are planted in concrete, immovable with no access to nutrients and water for sustenance, you rot.
Have I taken the plant analogy far enough? Probably so. Give yourself permission to acknowledge that embracing uncertainty and thinking about it in a positive light aren’t easy. And, make room for the leap of faith, the uncertain outcome, the chaos that is this beautiful life you’ve so carefully cultivated for yourself. Embrace the (non-invasive) volunteer plants that grow in your garden. (Whoops, there I go again with the garden metaphor. Better wrap this up before I need to get the weed whacker to cut the number of words down.)
Prayer: Oh marvelous, chaotic universe, grant me the ability to unclench my hands and open my heart to the goodness I haven’t planned for. Let me remember that these times never come again and to embrace the mess, be it playdoh, markers, or relationships that require work, as those are simply the best kind. Your not-so-obedient servant, ______ (your name here). Amen
Elizabeth Dreyer Robertson