Between Grief and Hope
“Grief holds strange graces…”
Who of us haven’t’ experienced grief? Its universal. Grief can be felt as actual physical pain, emotional pain and more. I think some form of grief is felt with any loss; loss of a relationship, loss of a beloved pet, loss of your once healthy joints. Loss of our freedoms. Inevitable losses.
Grief is intense sorrow, it is personal, it is sadness, it is heartbreak. The women at the tomb! How could they go on? And when they tried to tell the apostles that the tomb was empty, the men didn’t believe them. Good Grief!!
Thinking about times of grief in my life; when my dad died was the worst. He died when I was 12 years old. I didn’t even know the word grief. (I guess when I was younger maybe 6, my parents had to give my little dachshund away. I grieved in some way, but this was WAY different.) I felt disoriented and alone. The shock, the sadness the utter upending of everything I had ever known. It was a time I will never forget. My dad was gone. How could this happen? My mom wanted our family go to Palm Sunday service that next day. I was to be confirmed in our church and get my bible. (I had a new dress and everything) How could I do it?
You know what I will never forget? The things people said to us? No. I will never forget the community that gathered around my family. I remember how we were treated. The support and “all hands on deck” of aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors, our church family. I don’t recall any specific words that were spoken to me. No, what I remember are the faces of people who showed up. Who came to literally hold us. The feeling of belonging.
I had to go back to school; 7th grade, it was the same but it wasn’t. How could everything go on as usual? I remember my Jr. High band teacher just sitting with me on a bench at school. I don’t know what he said, but he offered me his comfort and kindness by just being there. My friends didn’t know what to do or say but they were there for me. I learned that I can get through anything even my grief, if I have others to lean on.
Remembering those times can still make me shudder, but I learned so much! I learned that I don’t have to have the “right” words to say to a grieving friend, just being present and listening is a gift. Maybe THE gift.
I now know that I can also connect with others in their grief by joining with my Threshold song sisters, to offer a gift of song. In this way grief has had a lesson for me in my life. God can be present through me. God is love through me. Have I received the grace that comes from grief? I hope so. I’m working on it.
Prayer: Dearest God, help me to be a gift of grace to the grieving. Use me to be a comfort in a song, a hug, a smile, a presence. Amen
Jannie Amoroso