I grew up in the middle of the country—Illinois—and we moved to our house when I was two years old. My mother stayed in that same house until she was 97 so that house was always “home” to me! The fact that my family inhabited it for almost 100 years made it a constant in my life. Therefore, when I married a California native and we made our home here in Napa, I still referred to my Illinois house as “home”. Whenever we would go back to visit, I would always tell people that I was “going home”.
My reference to a house that I no longer lived in nor ever intended to live in again, bothered Lou. He would correct me and say something to the effect that my home was here in Napa with him and our kids and I would agree, however mentally my home was in Decatur, Illinois where I grew up. Those were my childhood memories and even though physically I didn’t live there any longer, a piece of my mind and heart still remained there.
So instead of being a point of contention, it became a family joke. Everyone else’s home was here in Napa except for Mom—her home was in Illinois. The kids thought it funny and so did I—sort of. Because sincerely that was my home, but so was our home in Napa.
It took a January trip back to Illinois to change my thinking. My father died in the middle of a cold Illinois winter and I had to go back. I left Napa with temperatures in the high fifties and sixties to be greeted by temperatures below freezing—where you “saw” your breath and your ears felt as though they would fall off if you’d forgotten your scarf. And I vividly remember thinking when I returned home from that January trip that I was going to kiss the ground as I was so happy to be “home” in California. And I think that was the point at which I changed my thinking from “I’m going home to Illinois” to “We’ll visiting where I used to live in Illinois “
But in thinking about it, I think that my spiritual home was my Illinois home as I always knew growing up that I belonged there. And that was also the home of the church I grew up in along with all of the memories of childhood; Sunday School, Family Reunions, etc. And also, since I had the privilege of having a parent live to be 101, I knew whenever I went “back home”, I would receive unconditional love and welcome and it would be in the house where I grew up.
Prayer: Help us to accept that we may have many “homes” in our lifetime and all are open and welcoming as long as you are there. Thank you! Amen
Kathy Martin